It's not that You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story is an awful memoir of marriage. And there's value to people saying, hey, marriage is not going to solve your relationship problems. The book is genuinely moving when the couple is recounting the birth of their son, Ezra, who had a number of rare birth defects known as VACTERL. Yet it's a pretty straight-forward account of what it's like to have a seriously ill child. As Gurwitch writes, "Jeff says he still loved me. He just hated everything I did and every decision I made, and he made it clear he didn't agree with me on a single course of action that had to do with Ezra's care." There's a great section about how they spent each anniversary of their 13 year marriage, culminating in the "14.98 fakation" where they laugh, fall asleep in their clothes and "loved every moment of it."
When "Team Gurakahn" isn't trying so hard to be funny, and let their guard down, it works. I could have used more on their decision on why not to have a second child, how they coped with successes and failures in their careers, and less jokes. Additionally, much of the memoir is them taking potshots at each - funny, sometimes, but you often feel uncomfortable, like you are at a dinner party where the host belittles his wife's food. Often Gurwitch comes across as downright mean, while Kahn often appears self-involved. There's never a doubt that they love each other, but for a fresh take on marriage and its ups and downs, try She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders , Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time or even Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog . (You think that book is about a dog, but it's really about parenting and marriage.]
